Tacoma Restaurants Loosen Restrictions, Morals to Combat Business Decline

The City of Tacoma, alongside the Tacoma Small Business Association, is taking a radical approach to boost the local economy—Nudity.

And it all started with a greasy bag of Dick’s.

“People flock to the truck when it rolls through town, including me,” said local Dick’s consumer, Ben Dover.

Officials agreed that it had to be more than just the tasty burgers that attracted the throngs of craving customers. “We figured if people get this excited about Dick’s coming to Tacoma, we may as well give the people what they want,” said Council Member Bofadeez.

$100,000 has been allocated from City of Tacoma’s tax budget to finalize the More Skin, More Win business grant. Recipients will change the names and business models of their shops accordingly.

The Topless of Tacoma was among the first to be approved. Check out the new gloryhole in the photo booth. Peekaboo!

Take advantage of the private booths and easy-to-clean tile floors at The Foursome on Pac Ave.

Enjoy a delicious beefcake sandwich at Peeks and Pints. Banana Hammocks and craft beer? Count me in.

Several other businesses have started to make the transition:

  • Frisky Freeze
  • Katie Goes Down
  • Boobs Java Jive
  • Boob Boob Room
  • McMen Men Men’s Temple
  • Rock the Cock

Pho King, Spanky Burger, Quickie Too, Wooden City, Shake Shake Shake, and Side Piece Kitchen have all opted to keep their names. What you see is what you’ll get.

Mayor Woodards had inspiring words for grant recipients at the March 21 City Council meeting: 

“Pull up your bootstraps and loosen your bra straps, boobies and wieners, let’s go.”

Photoshop shenanigans by Sierra Hartman

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